Dear Friends,
I struggled with depression for many years as a young person. The world seemed very hard, frightening, and uncompromising. I didn’t like myself and expected others would not like me much either. In trying to figure out who I was, or at least who I wanted to be, I tried on a lot of costumes. I tried to seem smart. I tried to seem happy. I tried to seem even more unhappy than I was. I tried to look pretty. I tried to seem tragic. I tried to seem fun. I tried a lot of things but couldn’t seem to find myself anywhere. At 21 years old, I landed in a psychiatric hospital for my own protection. This was actually a huge relief for me because I could no longer pretend in front of anyone to be okay. At the same time, not pretending forced me to confront the question of who I was and what I wanted to become.
I made a drawing at that time of myself taking off many costumes and masks until I stood naked with nothing to hide behind. I gave this naked person no face because I did not know who she was or what she looked like. Instead, where her head should be, I drew a lump of clay waiting to be shaped. This was a hopeful image for me because I felt that, now that I was no longer hiding, I could begin to shape the clay. Not many days later, I went to Coast Vineyard for the first time and invited Jesus into my life. I realized then that it was Jesus who would be the one to shape a face for me and give me new clothes to replace my old costumes. Recently, I thought about this drawing when I read Colossians 3:8-14 (NIV).
"Now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all."
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
I love Paul’s use of the metaphor of changing clothes to talk about the journey of transformation that those who are in Jesus are undertaking. As I reflected on this passage again and again last week, I began to imagine myself taking off all the behaviors that don’t belong to my new life in Jesus like old clothes and then even taking off myself - the old version of me, in order to put on the new me like a new set of clothes. I imagined dressing myself in compassion like a pair of pants, kindness like a shirt, humility like socks, gentleness like shoes, and patience like a hat. And then I imagined putting on love like a beautiful coat, the centerpiece of my invisible and yet beautiful new outfit. I felt happy to be dressed like Jesus and excited to practice being the new me.
Will you try this with me? Take some time right now to take off all the things Paul tells the Corinthians to take off. Visualize them like items of clothing that are old, dirty, smelly, and uncomfortable. Include not just the negative behaviors listed but also any behaviors and thought patterns that are specifically in your life that you want to be rid of. Include any sense of identity you have in human groups and organizations. Citizenship to the kingdom of God overrides loyalties to human nations, ethnic groups, etc. Keep taking things off until you feel you are standing naked before God. Then take off your old self and invite Jesus to give you a new self. Put that on. And put on the clothing he gives you to wear. Put on all the things Paul lists and anything else you believe God is giving you, imagining them all as items of clothing. Last of all, put on love as a warm coat or a snazzy jacket or whatever else might feel like it completes the outfit of the beautiful new you.
If you tried this, and it was meaningful to you, try doing it every day for a week, and see if this affects how you engage your day and your life.
Love in Christ,
Michelle
