Dear Friends,
I've been continuing to read the book What's So Amazing About Grace? by Philip Yancey. Yesterday, I read a chapter in which Yancey tells the story of a conversation he had with a friend he calls Daniel who was considering divorcing his wife. Daniel admitted there was nothing wrong with his wife and no notable conflict in his marriage. He had simply become interested in another woman whom he found more exciting. Daniel initiated the conversation with Yancey because he wanted to ask whether God would forgive him if he went through with the divorce.
This story struck a chord with me because I have found myself in similar situations as a pastor, and it has been challenging to find the right words to say. A person wants to do something they know is wrong, most commonly have an affair or get a divorce in order to continue an affair they are already having. Their plan is to go ahead and do the thing they know is wrong based on the expectation that they can then "repent" and ask God for forgiveness. It is always immediately clear that this person has completely misunderstood the grace of God and is about to make a terrible mistake. But do I, understand God's grace well enough to explain it to them? It would be entirely false to claim that God is unwilling to forgive the Daniels of this world. And yet, it would also be entirely false to validate the distorted logic by which they hope to free themselves from judgment. What Yancey said to his friend is incredibly wise.
"Can God forgive you? Of course. You know the Bible. God uses murders and adulterers. For goodness' sake, a couple of scoundrels named Peter and Paul led the New Testament church. Forgiveness is our problem, not God's. What we have to go through to commit sin distances us from God - we change in the very act of rebellion - and there is no guarantee we will ever come back. You ask me about forgiveness now, but will you even want it later, especially if it involves repentance?"
Sadly, Daniel did follow through on his plan to divorce his wife. And, as of the time the story was written down, he had, predictably, not repented. Instead, he had distanced himself not only from his family but also from all his former friends and from God.
People tend to think of sin as a list of discrete, individual offenses that are tallied up by a score-keeping God who is willing to give points back if we apologize. But in reality, God is all about relationship, and sin is a fancy word for breaking relationship with God. What Daniel failed to admit to himself was that he was choosing to walk out, not just on his relationship with his wife, but on his relationship with God. True repentance would involve coming to a place where he was heartbroken over the divorce and genuinely wished he had never made this destructive choice that hurt so many people. This heartbreak isn't really what Daniel planned for himself. Rather, he hoped to find excitement in his new marriage and to, at some point in the future, offer God a fake apology in order to exploit God's unlimited grace. In other words, he planned to spend the rest of his life keeping God at a distance. And he did exactly that. The problem is never God's unwillingness to forgive. It is always our rejection of the love relationship God longs to have with us.
What does all of this have to do with you and me? First of all, let's choose relationship with God and one another, even when it's hard, trusting that relationship is what will bring us real joy. Let's not fool ourselves into thinking we can lie to God and plan to take advantage of him and still desire his friendship. Second, if you have walked away from relationship with God as Daniel did, and if you are wondering if he might be willing to take you back, know that God's grace is big enough for you. God loves you, longs for you, and will come running to you before you can even get the words of your apology out of your mouth. God's forgiveness is already done. You have only to accept it.
A prayer of repentance:
God, I'm sorry for all the ways I have shut you out of my life so I could do whatever I wanted without having to think about whether it was right or wrong or who might get hurt. I'm sorry for any ways I have tried to use and manipulate you and to use and manipulate other people. I want to know you, to invest in a relationship of love with you, and to learn real goodness from you. Give to me the forgiveness made available to me through the blood of Jesus. And let your Spirit come to live in me, assuring me of your love and drawing me into life with you. Amen.
Love in Christ,
Michelle
