Dear Friends,
A couple of years ago, I was trying to help one of our foster children, who was a few years behind, catch up to his classmates in math and reading. Each evening after dinner, we would take about an hour together to practice concepts he had missed. Sometimes we would end up talking about things that were on his mind instead. One day, fairly early on, he told me that what we were doing was very different from what he had experienced in school in the past. To the best of his memory, no one had ever really explained to him how math worked. All he remembered was being asked questions and being hit whenever he gave the wrong answer, which was most of the time. I told him I was sorry that had happened and that it wasn’t surprising that he had answered incorrectly so often because his brain would not be able to learn much math while it was busy focusing on the fear of being hit. This idea surprised and intrigued him, and after that day, he would regularly pause in the middle of our lessons to ask me, “Is it really true that you can’t learn when someone is hitting you?” I would say, “Yes, it is true,” and promise that he would be safe at our house and at school again and again.
Then there was one day that he got stuck. I don’t remember what we were doing exactly, but it might have had something to do with place value. He wasn’t getting it and wasn’t getting it, and what I should have done was to cheerfully suggest that we stop for the day and do something else. Instead I got frustrated, and my frustration showed in my voice. He shut down and stopped responding to me. I apologized. I explained that nothing was his fault and that I wasn’t angry at him. I promised again that he would be safe. But he didn’t want to do math anymore. And he didn’t want to do math the next day or the day after that. We were eventually able to begin again, but I was disappointed with myself as I saw the consequences of my impatience and lack of self-control on this vulnerable child God had given me to love.
Fortunately, God is not like me but consistent in his great patience with us. As I strive to do better, I have God as a role model and as an ever-present and non-anxious companion. Lately, I have been reading these words from Psalm 145:8 (NIV) over and over.
The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.
God is gracious. In this case, what is meant by gracious is that God is responsive to requests for help. He hears our prayers and answers us. God is also compassionate. The Hebrew word for compassion comes from the word “racham,” which means “womb.” God cares about his children and empathizes with them in the deep, physical, gut-tearing way of a mother with the child that comes from her own body. And God is patient, not quick tempered as I am, but calm, gentle, understanding, and consistent. God is overflowing with love. Because of this, I come to him again and again to receive his love for me, trusting that, as I know the love and patience of God more and more, I will become more and more like him. I pray that you too will experience the goodness and great love of God, that you will be filled and comforted, and that in the process, you will become more like him.
A prayer for today:
Thank you God for your patience with me. Thank you that you know me and care about my life, my well-being, and my feelings. Come and fill me with your love today. Fill me till I overflow. And teach me to be like you. Amen.
Love in Christ,
Michelle
