Dear Friends,
I mentioned on Sunday that I will be sharing a short devotion and prayer at the Vineyard Southern California regional conference on Friday morning. For this week's letter, I'd like to share with you what I plan to say.
"God chose the foolish of the world to shame the wise, and God chose the weak of the world to shame the strong, and God chose the lowly and despised of the world, those who count for nothing, to reduce to nothing those who are something, so that no human being might boast before God. It is due to him that you are in Christ Jesus."
It has been nine years since the last time I stood up to speak to us as a region. A friend asked me last year what I have learned in this time. I think my answer can best be summed up in these words from 1 Cor. 1:27-30.
When I first started to follow Jesus, it was so exciting to do anything at all to serve him. Just passing out a bowl of soup or helping with Sunday set-up was thrilling beyond anything I’d ever done in my life. I couldn’t believe I was actually partnering with Jesus. Does anyone here relate to that feeling?
In a lot of ways, ministry still feels like that to me every single day. But over time, as I moved into more visible ministry, eventually becoming a senior pastor and then helping to lead the Southern California region, other feelings started to creep in. Little by little, people start to give you compliments. People begin to admire you and look up to you.
In some ways this is still joyful, just as it was in the beginning. "Daddy, Daddy, Jesus and I did a thing! And someone even said I did my part well!" But at the same time, things start to get confusing. Eventually we start to crave the compliments. So we’ll know we’re doing a good job. But it becomes hard to tell the difference between validation from people and validation from God. And then it turns out that people don’t always compliment us. Sometimes they criticize us and blame us. Eventually, the child-like joy of getting to play with Jesus becomes deeply entangled with a battle between insecurity and self-aggrandizement fueled by the approval and disapproval of people.
I used to think this was just a character weakness in me. But I have become convinced over the last several years that it happens to all or at least most pastors, even though we don’t talk about it nearly as much as we probably should. How many people here, if you are truly honest with yourself, would say you resonate with this experience?
What God has been teaching me over the last several years is that the solution is stop trying to be awesome and simply seek to be small and ordinary. God and I have a little inside joke about this. One day, almost 20 years ago, when I first started as a senior pastor, I was struggling with imposter syndrome in a big way, dreadfully afraid everyone was about to find out I was an incompetent fool. So, I went to God in prayer, and I said, "God, I’m dreadfully afraid everyone is about to find out I’m an incompetent fool."
God answered me, clear as a bell, “Don’t worry. They already know.”
I can’t tell you how freeing this was. To this day, whenever I find myself struggling with imposter syndrome, God and I go back to this conversation. My need to impress people goes away and is replaced by the hope that someone might be in awe of Jesus because he can make use of even a bumbling idiot like me.
I like how Eugene Peterson translates the verse right before this in the Message. "I don’t see many of 'the brightest and the best' among you" (1 Cor. 1:26). I thought about just starting off with that this morning and seeing how you would all react. Did you know this is actually good news? You don’t want to be “the best and the brightest!" You know why? Because those are not the people God has chosen!
"God chose the foolish of the world to shame the wise, and God chose the weak of the world to shame the strong, and God chose the lowly and despised of the world, those who count for nothing to reduce to nothing those who are something, so that no human being might boast before God. It is due to him that you are in Christ Jesus."
Let’s take a minute to invite the Spirit to work in us. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Look for any anxious places in your heart, and give those to Jesus.
Holy Spirit, come right now and set us free.
Free us from every desire to impress anyone.
Free us from all fear of looking foolish or inadequate.
Fill us instead with your peace and your love.
Help us this weekend to come together as we are - foolish, weak, small, unimportant . . . and yet, beloved, chosen, eager to serve and to learn and to grow.
Come and make yourself glorious in our weakness.
Amen.
Love in Christ,
Michelle
